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This week my morning
meditations occurred
during sunrise almost every day, as I have now returned to work: a new
semester, complete with new courses, content and students.
There was a strong
emphasis this week on
remembering to remember. At the moments when I did, the dissolution
sensation
came to my legs and I returned to the moment once again. However, I
never
seemed to remember until I left work. It was almost as though I was in
"work vibe" which this week has been filled with nervousness, newness
and excitement—very much present—very in the moment, but planets away
from the
WH. As soon as I would leave the building, I would remember... and it
helped
because when I would be gone from school, there was a tendency to dwell
and
obsess over little details of the classes.
This biting onto one
thought, idea or
memory has also held my attention this week. How ridiculous it is, but
yet
somewhere it must feel good or be reinforcing in some way, otherwise
why would
I continue to do it? The memories that I dwell on are neither positive
nor
negative, it depends on how my mind will analyze them, regurgitate
them, and
then the cycle starts again. Why don't I tire of this? Remembering the
WH helps
and it comes more frequently and earlier every day.
My concluding thoughts
are on my increase
in sensitivity this week. I seem to be more aware of the internal
states of
myself and others—and it is not always pleasant or perfect. It is
rarely
helpful to be aware of one person's discomfort or pain, when there are
39 other
people in the room looking at and listening to you.
In sum, this week has
been about the
awareness of the dichotomy and overlap between the WH, the effects of
the WH
and my teaching.