Rod to Heloisa and Piet

Piet & Heloisa,

Proposal: To seek simultaneous awareness of both the Immediate Moment and of my Remembered Past & Anticipated Future in order to reach a state of vivid clarity.

(a) The evening before the Experiment I meditated on "Immediate Moment, Contextual Past & Anticipated Future," hoping to gain insight into what my proposal might mean. Early in the meditation I clearly saw my Contextual Past as an endless waterfall cascading into the chasm of the Immediate Moment, and my Anticipated Future as a hazy mist rising up out of the chasm.

(b) Then, yesterday during the experiment as I went about my day I tried to remain aware of both immediacy and context. To help isolate myself from too many distractions I took a 3-hour hike into the hills with my dog and my camera.

(c) Later that evening during a men's discussion group I described our Experiment to my friends and we talked about how each of us experiences Immediacy.

From this experience I would say that using awareness of Immediacy-plus-Context to reach a state of vivid clarity is not easy! Despite the insights from the previous night's meditation, I spent most of the day in a completely normal state. I often thought about the dual awareness of Immediacy & Context, but for some reason it never clicked. During the photography hike I spent most of the time "thinking about" what I was doing instead of doing it. It was only when I noticed a photo-op and proceeded to work on taking a picture that I flipped into an alternate state and forgot everything except the Immediate Moment. I do not attribute that state of absorption to looking at Immediacy-plus-Context, because it often happens when I take photographs.

What I've learned from this exercise stems mainly (a) from the prior analysis that led to the premise, (b) from my meditation on Contextual Past & Immediate Moment, and (c) from the men's group discussion of what immediacy means. I think that using awareness of Immediacy-plus-Context to reach a state of vivid clarity will require considerable practice, much like other forms of contemplative endeavor, instead of providing the effortless avenue we've discussed. To be pointed toward awareness of Immediacy-plus-Context is not the same thing as being fully immersed in that awareness. I feel like I've made only one small step toward awareness of Immediacy-plus-Context. I know what to look for, but I still don't have the key for opening the door.

My guess is that if I continue pointing myself toward this dual awareness of Immediacy-plus-Context, at some point it will click and I will understand what I mean at a non-verbal level. Right now I understand it intellectually, but I don't feel it at a level beyond intellect. This tendency to over-intellectualize is a common theme throughout my life, so I'm not surprised that my analysis overshadowed my experience. Perhaps it is exactly that part of my Past, my propensity to intellectualize, that I must fold into the mixture. In other words, I need to understand how my intellectualizing is part of my personal Context, and how my intellectualizing can obscure the Immediate Moment!

I am quite excited about how this insight might move me toward the effortless clarity.

Rod