Miles' Monthly Summary

What's the point?  Why do this?  The practice is valuable in so far as it furthers one's capacity to relieve the suffering of the world.  Ironically, this capacity is built not through reinforcement of self, but through the erosion of a sense of a specific, defined "me."  The dedicated, daily, rigid practice that I have had for years has been valuable to develop discipline, but is in many ways a continuation of my obsession with self, of the idea of making a better "me."  How to free from this while maintaining dedication to the practice?  I naturally find myself drawn back to the practice.  Just as the mind naturally drifts back to following the breath, so do "I" drift back to the need for practice.  How much can I soften the hard edge that rigidly requires certain types and intensities of practice?

This month has been an opening up of the practice, an exploration of integration of practice into daily life, and of compassion for myself when the mind is more stirred during practice.  As I have been working more and spending more time with the analytical mind occupied and whirring away, my daily practice has come to reflect that change.  It is rather like a snow globe, where you shake it up, watch the flurries fly around, and then watch them come to rest at the base of the globe again.  This month has involved more time just watching the snow fall to the bottom, as the mind has been shaken by daily activity.  An interesting consequence has been developing an understanding that most of the world lives like this all the time - in a constant state of flurried, less directed, more confused mind.  Walking around, it strikes me repeatedly how lost we all are, adrift in a sea of confusion most of the time.  Perhaps this is just part of growing up, and noticing that the adults and mentors who seem to have it all figured out are just as confused as the rest of us.  But there is something deeper, a more profound sense of what that confusion actually entails.  That we are often out of balance with the flow of the world.  Seeing this in myself has helped develop an understanding of what drives others' actions, and to have compassion for actions perceived to be "mistakes."