Nicole's Monthly Summary

In re-reading this month's weekly summaries, I am seeing a pattern emerge. The metaphor of the breath seems to represent this pattern: on the inhale - I am trying, trying, focusing deeply in my meditations - then the Pause - blissful moments of no-time and space - moments later, the Exhale, then release and permisiveness of the mind - meditations without great effort, without attempt - simply floating about in the wind of the mind's thoughts.

Is there a moment between the end of the exhale and the next inhale where I simply am present again? Yet present without looking, a relaxed allowing? as opposed to a forced pondering? I imagine if I charted my moments of insight I'd see some pattern like this emerging... but then, I fear, I'd just get attached to this pattern and a new one would emerge - evading the mind further.

Can I live in the space between the exhale and inhale? In watching the breath - those moments are present and effortless but as soon as "i" become aware again, "i" am now inhaling...