As I mentioned in last week's post I began this week by soaking in devotion some more. It feels so nurturing, soothing to the mind and in my experience very good. Then a surprise happened. A moment of depression followed the bliss, reminding me that truth has nothing to do with feeling good or bad. Fuelled a bit by desperation about again having being seduced to come to wrong conclusions about what bliss, devotion and enlightenment really are, I enquired into truth, i.e. into the subject, not the object. What is it that knows, which itself can not be any object? It became glass clear that the only thing that remains under this laser light, the only thing that's real is knowingness itself. That knowingness, if anything, is what I really am, the one and only thing that is really intimate, the fabric of my and all being, so to speak. That became self evident. This recognition comes and goes, but it is never really far. As much as I know, it is just the way it is, whether I am feeling it or not. At the moments where this is clearly present in my mind it is obvious that I am not the body, or thoughts or…whatever else I take myself usually to be. It also kind of funny, that from this perspective it becomes obvious that nothing what I do or don't do as the character Frank can really change this state of affairs. This has to be contrasted with the fact that Frank is always trying to do something (like having more fun and the biggie: becoming enlightened). wh is felt to hold here!!!

That recognition seems like a transformation to me, because it puts everything into a different perspective. The recognition itself has some unshakable certainty to it. The feeling component of it has not. Now of course I am concerned with regaining it, keeping it or losing it…Samsara, galore! Same old, same old.