Nicole's Monthly Summary

This last month I've been working with the WH in a new way. Instead of contemplative, philosophical questions, I have attempted to target another part of me, the Ego. I thought my 'offerings' to something higher than myself was a heart/devotional practice - but I am starting to see how it has really been an attempt to surrender my almighty Ego.

Success - certainly not! "I" have been up to my old tricks again and although the practice started out strong and genuine - somehow it morphed into a faked practice. In my morning meditations, on one level of mind I'd be offering myself - but my mental energy was also concerned with the trivialities of the day. I'd caught myself faking meditation! Despite brief moments of clarity - where surprise! contemplative thoughts surfaced 'who's faking? who's watching?' my morning meditations have been filled with the above.

However, despite the struggles, the 'faux-meditations' and the Ego-attacks - my days have been filled with a lot more presence. Less trying to Do_Something, or to Be_someone, much more simply being there. With this comes increased energy, more smiles and calm.