Heloisa, Maria, Rod,
I enjoyed working with
Rod's experiment for
a day: "Let go of the habit of trying … take a chance … and see what
I started wondering about the notion of a `habit'. Habits are funny things. As long as we buy into them, they seem impossible to break. We can try with all our might, but like a rubber band, after we stretch it for a while and then let go, it just flips back again. And yet, and yet … sometimes it is ridiculously easy to drop a habit. Sometimes we reach a point where suddenly we can stop, really drop a habit, and that is it. When we really see through what it is that binds us to a habit, its power is lost, and we realize that we have always been free to walk away from the habit.
So in the case of the
`habit of trying,'
here we are, living in a world, and while playing a role, trying to
different role. The instruction of the experiment is to `let go' of
I experimented with two different approaches.
First, I let myself
feel the strong
conviction of there being a world, really absolutely existing, and me
player in that world, also really existing, for a while at least, in
world. Within that setting, I then played with giving up trying. While
that, however, I was quickly confronted with the futility of such an
I really were a player on such a stage, it just wouldn't make sense to
I would be a bad player, I would forsake my role, obstruct the play,
others in doing so.
Then as an alternative,
I tried to taste
the possibility of there not being a world, of the world and me and all
of it having never existed, of it all being like reflections in a
of a magic show. That made it far easier, in fact all too easy, to
was not so much that the habit was broken, or that I now consciously
go of the habit. Rather, the whole notion of even being able to try
all was sabotaged, with there no longer being a world to try in, or
Of course, it was not easy to stick to the second approach, and many times during the day I found myself habitually falling back into the first approach. But reflecting on it, I noticed that my very judgment of `many times' and `habitually' and `falling back' were part of the language of the first approach. That all seemed terribly binding after falling back in that first approach, where I then seemed stuck. But as soon as I remembered the possibility of the second approach, I again realized that there is only freedom, that there has never been bondage or confusion or strictures of habit.