Miles' Summary

This week has been intense.  I am facing a number of important personal decisions, and an inner maelstrom of mental activity accompanied me each day, worries about thoughts about worries about things that could or should or might happen.  The mind has been unsettled, writhing, flying, grabbing.  Each morning I simply try to grab on its coattails and see where it goes.  The application of technique confines the mind - it pouts and I end up less settled than before.  So I just watch and wait, seeing each event appear and disappear.  It strikes me only now in writing these words that the problem may begin with me grabbing on to the coattails of the mind to see where it goes - does it matter where the mind is running off to? 

However, this week's practice has also been perhaps the most valuable.  Wild, unsettled mind is a fruitful ground for practice, showing me that there is no controller and controlled, that thoughts simply come and go, sometimes fast and sometimes slow, but "I" have nothing to do with the process.  Rather than looking at things from a perspective of me controlling thoughts or thoughts controlling me, it has been interesting to let go of the idea of control at all and just watch.  What developed was a space - thoughts were still there, "i" was still there, but the two were less stuck together.  And so the practice became just observation.  Not worrying about being calm or crazy, but just watching both with attentiveness and patience.  This practice helped also with disillusionment and feelings of the practice "not working," because a calm mental state was no longer associated with a notion of success.

It also struck what a beautiful thing this group is.  People from all over, some of whom are acquainted and some of whom not, who have dedicated themselves to an open exploration of self and a commitment to sharing what we find.  It is courageous, lovely, and entirely human.

Miles